Shocking results from further in-depth studies conducted over the summer break by the diligent researchers at Dresden’s Bikini Institute prove that fictional studies from late 2009 were correct: StopPress readers are in fact far superior to their peers in almost every conceivable way and also haven’t put on any weight over Christmas.
“As well as showing the enduring quality of the readership, both physically and mentally, the study found that the StopPress team literally cannot wait to serve its readers with comings, goings, news, scandal, subterfuge, opinions, analysis, dodgy attempts at humour, lookalikes and hugely expensive prizes,” says Werner von Schnitz, head of expert studies at the Bikini Institute.
With the long, leisurely summer days, the smell of freshly cut grass and the simple pleasures of a sausage-based diet making way for deep work-related depressions, metaphorical noses to grindstones and steadily rising OOS pain, the study also concluded that the StopPress team would like to give the marcomms community a platonic hug (or, if suffering from personal space issues, a firm handshake) to officially welcome everyone to the next decade.
Speaking of decades, controversy still rages over what this decade should be called. What will replace the noughties? Will it be the Tweens? The Tenties? The Adolescents? The Puberties?
The best suggestion to be put on the comment wall below will receive a stylish diary from 2009 so you can relive the last decade. And we’ll throw in some Monteith’s Pilsner as well, because you probably haven’t had enough alcohol over the last few weeks.