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Publishers’ mega-merger forms acronym giant

The new media acronymn has been likened to Cerberus, the multi-headed hound who guards the gates of Hades

Four of New Zealand’s largest publishers have merged to form a mega-empire, with ACP, APN, AGM and TML (known as Tangible Media, owners of this site) joining forces to create the largest media company in New Zealand.

“We’re now in a position to take on other big name acronyms, such as TVNZ, SKY and RNZ,” says acting deputy vice president Paul Dykzeul.

To be known as ACPAPNAGMTNL, the new giant combines the horsepower of newspapers, billboard, magazines and the web, with a potential estimated readership of 16,000,000.

“With this much media, we’ll pretty much be in all New Zealand’s workplaces, lounges, bedrooms, and with the latest Metro, men’s toilets too,” says executive chairman- designate Dr Vincent Heeringa.

Dr Heeringa, a nutritionist, says the merger will result in efficiencies across the board.

“There are significant savings in back office, front office and middle office functions. Even my corner office may need to be rearranged to handle the changes. I’m thinking beige.”

Up to 5000 redundancies are predicted, mostly from the NZ Herald.

Newly appointed HR director and former Labour spokesperson on youth affairs, Darren Hughes, says the merger is exposing the businesses to market realities. “We’re effectively opening the curtains on these legacy businesses. So far I’ve found several people covered in cobwebs in APN Wyndham Street, 16 ACPers under the back tables of Prego and 30 Tangbile staff squeezed into a Heidleberg eight-colour press.

“They’ll all need to go,” he says.

The merger commences on April 1.

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