Just try to stop clicking

  • PopPress
  • June 13, 2014
  • StopPress Team
Just try to stop clicking

The Onion is America's Finest News Source—and the world's finest source of satire. And it's taken aim at the prevalence of listicles, quizzes, surveys, you'll-never-believe-what-happens-next headlines and other assorted clickbait featured on websites like Buzzfeed and Upworthy with ClickHole

With stories like '16 Pictures Of Beyoncé Where She’s Not Sinking In Quicksand', '10 hilarious chairs that think they're people', '5 iconic movie scenes that are actually fake', '7 pricks who defied the odds and didn't go into finance' and '8 Touching Pics of Celebrities And Their Dads', there's some absolute gold in there that gives the whole ecosystem of online media a big punch in the face. 

Here's how they explain it: 

What is ClickHole?

ClickHole is the latest and greatest online social experience filled with the most clickable, irresistibly shareable content anywhere on the internet.

What is the goal of ClickHole?

Let’s be honest: Today, the average website carelessly churns out hundreds of pieces of pandering, misleading content, most of which tragically fall short of going viral.

At ClickHole, we refuse to stand for this. We strive to make sure that all of our content panders to and misleads our readers just enough to make it go viral. You see, we don’t think anything on the internet should ever have to settle for mere tens of thousands of pageviews. We believe that each and every article—whether about pop culture, politics, internet trends, or social justice—should be clicked on and shared by hundreds of millions of internet users before they can even comprehend what they just read.

ClickHole has one and only one core belief: All web content deserves to go viral.  

Who is ClickHole’s audience?

We don’t like to put any sort of limitation on who we can reach! Instead, ClickHole prefers to think of you and every other person on earth as nothing more than an empty vessel existing purely to share content with other empty vessels. If every vessel does its part, we can make sure our children inherit a world free from non-viral content.

Where does ClickHole get its content?

ClickHole staff members don’t write or produce any of the articles, quizzes, lists, or videos that appear on our website. Instead, through the miraculous process of spontaneous genesis, new pieces of content constantly materialize onto our website of their own will.

Where did the name ClickHole come from? Does it have any relation to the 1972 movie ClickHole starring Billy Dee Williams?

The name ClickHole actually has no relation to the 1972 movie ClickHole because that movie does not exist.

How can I see ClickHole’s latest updates?

ClickHole shares the gift of new content by regularly updating our accounts on Facebook, Twitter, and the other 854,640 social media websites.

Do I need any specific tech requirements to viewClickHole?

No. ClickHole can be viewed on any computer, tablet, or mobile device. However, ClickHole does require a strict business professional dress code.

Can I submit to ClickHole?

ClickHole does not accept unsolicited submissions in this or any of the infinite diverging branches of reality.

When I visited ClickHole my computer vanished. What should I do about that?

Don’t worry; visits to ClickHole frequently cause personal computers to disintegrate. Your machine should reappear on the outskirts of the Mojave Desert in seven to 10 days.

What if I don’t know how to click? Can I still visitClickHole?

Our team is hard at work on a version of ClickHole that can be navigated using only the power of your mind. Until then, you can learn how to click on our content using the handy guide below:

This is a community discussion forum. Comment is free but please respect our rules:

  1. Don’t be abusive or use sweary type words
  2. Don’t break the law: libel, slander and defamatory comments are forbidden
  3. Don’t resort to name-calling, mean-spiritedness, or slagging off
  4. Don’t pretend to be someone else.

If we find you doing these things, your comments will be edited without recourse and you may be asked to go away and reconsider your actions.
We respect the right to free speech and anonymous comments. Don’t abuse the privilege.

Would you like sauce with that?

  • PopPress
  • July 21, 2017
Would you like sauce with that?

In order to work around Chicagoans stubborn sense of identity and pride, Heinz has come out with a brand new product called 'Chicago Dog Sauce' which is basically—you guessed it—ketchup in disguise.

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